are you still at the devil's house?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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