So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
