forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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