Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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