Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize