I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
