this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
