How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Operation Purity has been aborted
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
