How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
