you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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