I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
