I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
