watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
