Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(917): View more from New York City

My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.

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(773): View more from Illinois

is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?

(773): View more from Illinois

it's more of a rinse.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step

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(609): View more from New Jersey

the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.

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(925): View more from California

she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys

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(415): View more from California

this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.

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(803): View more from South Carolina

He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.

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(248): View more from Michigan

Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.

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