Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
