If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
We talked him into tasing himself.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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