capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Never underestimate the power of titties
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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