If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
So squirting runs in the family.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
