community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
