I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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