Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
