she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
