Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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