please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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