Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
