we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
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I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
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She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.