I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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