Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.