the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.