$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I wish I only lived at night.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
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cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
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Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.