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• (250): View more from British Columbia

  I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.

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• (336): View more from North Carolina

  Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.

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• (805): View more from California

  In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career

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• (205): View more from Alabama

  Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.

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  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness

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• (254): View more from Texas

  There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.

  (512): View more from Texas

  That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?

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• (206): View more from Washington

  Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.

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  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.

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• (843): View more from South Carolina

  They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?

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• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'll be there in a few.

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'M COUNTING TO FEW.

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  all my money is vodka money

  (1-734): View more from Michigan

  I have never read a truer sentence.

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• (910): View more from North Carolina

  I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.

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