so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
