is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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