after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
