she was so not down for the gang bang
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
