I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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