Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
