you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
