Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
