Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
