You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
