He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
So here I am, sexting at work.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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