Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
