I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
