I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
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