You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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