I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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