all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
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