The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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