how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Randomize
