Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
