Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
