Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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