So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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