life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize