I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
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i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
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In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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