Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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