Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
