a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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