This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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