we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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