After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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