susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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