This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
