Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
